i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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