Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm gonna have a badass scar
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
