An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
