so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
