if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
