You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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