'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
