While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Randomize