what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
