Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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