I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
