I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
