Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
