Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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