dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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