dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize