fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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