He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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