I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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