i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
