So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
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Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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