I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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