You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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