It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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