My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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