i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
