i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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