I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.