I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.