My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect