Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(