if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia