somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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