i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
