my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
