Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
