Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
