You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Drake has all the answers
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
