zippers are such a cool invention
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
