I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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