dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
