I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
