go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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