you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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