I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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