i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
