I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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