yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
