I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
honey bunches of taint.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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