Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
