Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
