Don't make out with my wife yet
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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