woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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