Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
