the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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