New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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