I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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