my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
