He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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