i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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