I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
