She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
