Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
