I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
