I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
