Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
