Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
