it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
