dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The uberlube is also flammable
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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